BAIT 'N SWITCH

iPod set to Simon & Garfunkel's, 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

If ever there was a time when I had to use all my girlish charms it's now. Somehow, someway, I have to let Professor Boy know that I am back with Monkey Wrench. And since he just moved here he has no idea that I am recently (well, recently-ish) broken up. So what he's about to experience is...girl is nice to me, girl emails me, we go out after rehearsal, she wants to come out to Connecticut and hike with me, (well, the hiking part still needed to be sorted out--read: replaced with go to the movies), girl spends the afternoon in the park with me, girl has a boyfriend. It's a little out of left field.

I have to get to him before class too, because one of the other guys just figured out I'm back with Monkey Wrench and likes to tease me. He'll be sure to let me know his new information regarding my love life. I can only see how that's going to go down:

Professor Boy: Hey Jane.
Jane: Hey.  I was thinking we should--
Class Guy: How's your boyfriend Jane?
Jane: --talk.
Professor Boy: wha?
Jane: ...right.

What to do. Well, here's the thing. He's a really cool guy and I think he'll be a bit surprised, but I don't think it will be that big of a deal. It's not like I'm Scarlett Johansson. Problem: He is a great dancer. Really. Amazing! He's new to the New York dance scene which means he doesn't have a set dance partner yet--I'm sure, I checked. I think we would be great dance partners. We're a really good physical match and we're both trained dancers in ballet and jazz and all that. (Yes, he's straight, his mom was a dance teacher.) And I think our stage presence (read: stage cheesyness) is at about the same level. And let's face it, I'm not getting any younger. There are only a few years left in me where I can be tossed in the air, compete, perform, whatever. The time is now.

I'm thinking it'll go something like this. "Hey there cute Prof. Boy. So I know that last week I wanted to marry you and have lots of sex and babies, but now I'm kissing some other guy. Oh, but don't worry. As runner up you get to be my dance partner. You also get this brand new toaster oven. See, everyone wins!"

As a side note, I so think Professor Boy would get along with one of the girls on my football team...
(shouldn't everyone win?)

 

Comments

[Bethany Pax]

If you can make that sound smooth, you'd surely be able to help with this. . .so say someone is doing the online dating thing, you exchange a few e-mails and realize this just isn't the one. Do you just stop e-mailing? That's probably rude, but what do you say. . .'your complete overuse of emoticons makes me want to gag'?

Oh, maybe you could bring the football girl to dance class and show him his consolation prize.

[Jane]

Hmmm, well in the Online Dating Manual, page 567, section 1, part 3A, it clearly states….Seriously though. I did look into this for my adventures in match.com. It seems that the rules are slightly different for online dating than they are for non cyber situations. These different rules, however, only last up to about date number four. At that point you’ve moved out of cyber space and into the regular land of dating. The difference is that in physical land you usually meet the person face to face right away. Thus, a phone call is really the best way to go. But in cyber land your normal means of communication is email so if you’re going to cut things off email is the best way to go. It sticks to the status quo.
So for your proposed situation where two people have been emailing via an online website here are a few suggestions:

1. Let it fizzle out. You know the drill; let the emails get further and further apart as you make them shorter and shorter. This of course is only done by complete wet noodles who have no spine and are big wimps.

2. The little lie. You can tell him that you’ve gotten a little more serious with someone you met at the same site and you want to see where that goes before you go any further. This is good because it is saying you don’t want to waste his time and it also makes him feel less rejected personally and more like it’s a situational thing. It is still a lie, but no one gets hurt.

3. The honest truth. One would think this is the best answer and in most life situations I would agree. For online dating I’m on the fence. You email the guy and say, “I think you’re really blah, blah and blah (insert complements as they fit—or just make shit up), but I don’t see this turning into a romantic relationship for me and I wouldn’t want to waste your time.

In my non professional opinion, #3 is the best, but you won’t always get the greatest results. So #2 comes in as a super, super close second. Let me know how it turns out!

Actually, football girl says she used to dance in college. Maybe I could bring her to watch practice to “check out the team” and then...No, ha ha. There's no way I can break things off with a guy and have him take another girl's number within the same hour! Wait, we are talking about men here. Maybe you're on to something. :)