Project Mr. Right

PAVLOV'S DOG LEARNS TO DATE

iPod set to Katrina and the Waves', Walking on Sunshine

 

Unbelievable.  Un-Be-Lievable! This is the only word I have for the state of things in my relationship with Monkey Wrench.  I have to say that after all these years I’ve finally decided that it’s not the relationship that matters, it’s the relationship a guy thinks he’s in that matters.  For example, I’m crazy about Monkey Wrench just as I was before we broke up.  But since we’ve gotten back together I’ve had little time to worry about or even care if I have food in my apartment, my laptop with me (he likes to work on it) or if my plans leave any time for him.  I’ve also lost the interest to explain why I’m feeling or acting a certain way.  If I’m mad, I’m mad and if I’m happy, I’m happy and he can just deal with it.

 

Results?  Gold Star.

 

Last weekend he started to back out of going to our friends’ dinner party.  Earlier in the week he was excited about seeing everyone, but after a twelve hour work day he didn’t think it would be worth it to arrive late and be tired on top of that.  It wasn’t that he wouldn’t be at the party that pissed me off and although I did feel annoyed that he’d changed his plans on me the day of, in all honesty I was just in a mood.  And since he was nice enough to offer a proper reason for me to vent my emotions I gladly took him up on it.  Well, after a number of academically constructed text messages on my part—Fine, be that way; Choosing laundry over dinner, how romantic; Whatever!—he magically appeared.

 

That night after the party we did have a good time, but in all honesty I was pretty tired and just nodded to most of what he was going on about until it was time to go to sleep.

 

Then the next day I got flowers and chocolate.  What?!  Let me get this straight.  If I bitch up a storm and ignore him I get rewarded?  Move over Pavlov’s dog…here I am and I’m ready for my treat!

 

This weekend we’re leaving for a spa get-a-way.  I guess I’ll just have to make him carry all my crap, pay for everything and tell him he should go to the gym more often.  Maybe he thinks there’s a “chase” with me acting this way.  Or maybe he thinks I’m worth more when I seem ready to walk out the door.  Who knows?  As a good friend of mine always says, “Men...they’re nothing more than the pool boy so don’t treat them like they’re the king unless you want a royal pain in the ass!

 

So for now, I'm walking pretty with my pool boy by my side.

SWEET VS. SOUR

iPod set to Eddy Raven's, Sometimes a Lady

Has anyone read Sherry Argov's WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES?  I have a good friend who swears by it. Thoughts? 

OUT OF THE GATE AND RUNNING

iPod set to Hot Chocolate's, You Sexy Thing

Out of the gate and running.  This morning I received an email from my QB, I mean BF, inviting me to a lovely dinner downtown followed by an indie movie.  The invite came with a time and place for dinner as well.  Ah, a man with a plan.  Now ladies, honestly, is there anything better than that?  Don’t get me wrong, the post college frat boy mentality of meeting on a corner and walking around aimlessly in twenty degree weather only to end up at the dive across from the corner where you originally met was totally thrilling.  But there are only so many “dinners” of bar peanuts and Chex-mix a girl can take.  So eventually the evolution of Divadom takes over and we progress to the fabulous city women that Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda have taught us to be.  And thus, the “hey, babe, you look hot, sorry I’m like ah, two hours late…” turns into “See you at eight.” 

BlogCatalog

LOVE, WHAT'S FOOTBALL GOT TO DO WITH IT?

iPod set to Baha Men's, Who Let the Dogs Out?

 

So the ex, Monkey Wrench, is back in the picture and going strong.  I feel very at easy and comfortable where as in the past I just felt anxious all the time.  And he’s taking me to Red Mountain Spa next weekend.  Yeah!  We’re going to spend four days together doing outdoors activities and classes and all that feel-good stuff.  Getting away for a few days is the main idea.

 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my other life has still been going strong.  River Boy finally asked me out...timing is everything and his timing is a little too late.  But he wasn't really my big problem.  Professor Boy was the problem.  I just hate giving someone bad news.  Hate it!  But there I was Tuesday night eating pad thai and listening to him tell me all about his birthday weekend.  I kept thinking "ok, Now!" but it wasn't ever a good time.  Of course, when is it a good time to break up with someone before you've started dating them?  I realized I was going to sit there, finish my noodles, leave the restaurant and just not say anything.  I was ok with that.  Yes, I suck.  But then he wanted to know my weekend plans.  "Weekend?  Like this weekend?  This coming weekend?  Like in a few days weekend?  Ahhhhhhh…Right.  Funny you should ask..."  And then I just said it.  I told him we were not going to be able to date.  Naturally he asked, “why not?”  "Well, see, because I have a boyfriend and he doesn't like it when I date."  I'm sure he was more than confused, but after I explained everything he understood, even commented on how much easier conversations like this were now that we're older.  And I must say that he also commented on the fact that I was with my boyfriend NOW, but who knows what would happen in the future.  My, my!  How forward.  ;)  Of course, I will have him at rehearsal each Tuesday night. 

 

And that's when I remembered the lessons that football can teach us about love.  "Well." I said.  "You've gotta have a strong JV team, because you never know when your staring quarterback is going to take a fall."  In football-love analogy terms…Monkey Wrench came out of rehab and resumed his spot on the starting lineup.  But instead of putting all my eggs in one basket, I'll have some pretty good bench warmers now that I spent the summer meeting men.  And it only goes to show that I should still keep meeting people.  If you know there's a good strong pair of arms to fall into, a breakup isn't the absolute end of the world.  The best offense is a good defense.  That's what my sixth grade basketball coach used to say to us.  So Professor Boy said he'd take the bench for now, but he wasn't happy about it!  Yes, I told him my theory and his new position on the team...I'm spunky!  And I think he got a kick out of it.  We went and got ice cream afterwards and started making all the jokes about breaking up before dating and football love analogy.

THE PROJECT MR. RIGHT STARTING LINEUP

 

Ladies, just because he's sitting on my team right now, doesn't mean he can't get traded.  I'm just sayin' he's cute and single!  If you're in NYC check it out.  ;) Ok, AJ and I have drinks with the outdoor adventure company tonight.  They get all their adventure clients together for happy hour every now and then.  I’m telling you, get on the outdoor day trip thing!

HEDGING YOUR BETS

iPod set to The Rolling Stones’s, You Can’t Always Get What You Want

A friend called me last night to ask about going out with a guy she was emailing from eHarmony.  They both started emailing a few weeks ago, but then both found themselves dating someone else they’d met earlier (also from eHarmony).  She's crazy about the guy she’s dating, but really she shouldn’t be.  He’s not all that and she can do a lot better.  I think she knows this because she asked my advice on whether or not she should meet up with the email-only eHarmony guy for a drink after work. 

She rationalized it by saying that since they were online friends it was just taking that friendship offline and thus making it more real.  And after all, he was the one to suggest it.  And I mean, it’s just one drink.  Now, can anyone else see this plain and clear?  Let me interpret.  They are both dating people they aren’t thrilled about, but aren’t ready to leave them yet.  So they figure they’ll meet for the obligatory “coffee date” to sniff each other out.  It could be sex, it could be their next relationship, it could be anything.  But let’s call a spade a spade--it's not a drink with a friend.

My advice?  Absolutely!  You aren’t committed to your main guy yet and you want to see what else is out there so go for it.  Maybe you’ll like this guy better.  And if not then that’s it.  It’s called hedging your bets.  It’s like poker.  You never know what anyone else is holding until it’s time to put all your cards down, so you’d better have picked up an ace somewhere along the way.

I’m just saying...a girl’s gotta eat.

BAIT 'N SWITCH

iPod set to Simon & Garfunkel's, 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

If ever there was a time when I had to use all my girlish charms it's now. Somehow, someway, I have to let Professor Boy know that I am back with Monkey Wrench. And since he just moved here he has no idea that I am recently (well, recently-ish) broken up. So what he's about to experience is...girl is nice to me, girl emails me, we go out after rehearsal, she wants to come out to Connecticut and hike with me, (well, the hiking part still needed to be sorted out--read: replaced with go to the movies), girl spends the afternoon in the park with me, girl has a boyfriend. It's a little out of left field.

I have to get to him before class too, because one of the other guys just figured out I'm back with Monkey Wrench and likes to tease me. He'll be sure to let me know his new information regarding my love life. I can only see how that's going to go down:

Professor Boy: Hey Jane.
Jane: Hey.  I was thinking we should--
Class Guy: How's your boyfriend Jane?
Jane: --talk.
Professor Boy: wha?
Jane: ...right.

What to do. Well, here's the thing. He's a really cool guy and I think he'll be a bit surprised, but I don't think it will be that big of a deal. It's not like I'm Scarlett Johansson. Problem: He is a great dancer. Really. Amazing! He's new to the New York dance scene which means he doesn't have a set dance partner yet--I'm sure, I checked. I think we would be great dance partners. We're a really good physical match and we're both trained dancers in ballet and jazz and all that. (Yes, he's straight, his mom was a dance teacher.) And I think our stage presence (read: stage cheesyness) is at about the same level. And let's face it, I'm not getting any younger. There are only a few years left in me where I can be tossed in the air, compete, perform, whatever. The time is now.

I'm thinking it'll go something like this. "Hey there cute Prof. Boy. So I know that last week I wanted to marry you and have lots of sex and babies, but now I'm kissing some other guy. Oh, but don't worry. As runner up you get to be my dance partner. You also get this brand new toaster oven. See, everyone wins!"

As a side note, I so think Professor Boy would get along with one of the girls on my football team...
(shouldn't everyone win?)

 

I DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING

iPod set to Van Morrison's, Into the Mystic

I’ve been cheating on my blog. 

It’s true. I’ve been sneaking around and keeping secrets from my very own blog posts!  Ok, it’s time to come clean. 

As I quickly…oh so quickly mentioned in my post HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM, I ran into my ex at a weekend class in midtown about two weeks ago.  Seeing Monkey Wrench (the ex boyfriend formerly known as Backbone, but given a new title considering the situation), well, seeing Monkey Wrench was like running into someone in a school hallway and everything goes flying: books, papers, your sanity, everything.  If I recall correctly I scolded him for being at the same class as me, being all back and forth during our breakup, seeming glad to see me and killing Kennedy.  I don’t know; pent up anger I forgot to write down and then burn I guess.  (Does that really work?  Note to self, must try.) 

Then, in true “Nanny, Nanny, Boo, Boo” form, I made my exit.  But, it was only a matter of a dozen texts and several epic novel emails until we spoke on the phone.  Mind you, when I left the dance class in all my dramatic suffering, I had actually been planning on leaving early, just not exactly that early.  I had a football game.  We played for 45 minutes in the pouring rain.  Then we stood around the team captain’s car and drank beer until the shivering.  I looked (and smelled) fabulous.  Having to meet up with my brother’s girlfriend at 5pm I raced back into the city.  Within the hour I was in the back room of their apartment talking on the phone with Monkey Wrench.  And then I went to see him.  Something just felt right about it.  Oy.

Now I know what you’re saying.  Some of you are saying, “What?!  Run girl run!”.  Others are just scratching their heads.  And as I found out today…several are saying, “I’m not surprised at all.”  Ok, in my defense!  In. My. De-Fense!  He actually had something to say.  For reals.  And is wasn’t something in the moment.  He had been waiting to let more time pass (I suppose to get his s#&t together.)  And where as I imagined him living it up at the playboy mansion or hitting the bars to troll for women each night, he was actually not dating at all.  On purpose.  So when he wanted to talk it seemed to me he might actually have something to say.  And well, I liked what he said.  ;)  (Don’t worry, if I need to check out his story I will.  I have my sources.)

Here I am…I’ve got a few internet boys, a couple extreme adventure guys and Professor Boy all up in the air and then Monkey Wrench shows up.  And well, all the boys came crashing down.   Ok, I did see Professor Boy somewhere in the middle of all the talking, but man please, I’m not running back to someone on the first try!  It wasn’t a secret either.  I just didn’t tell Monkey Wrench till later.  But when the second date came up…well, I gave it up.  Monkey Wrench wanted to take me out too.  Tough decision yes, but…ah!  I like to gamble.

Ok, I’m weaving and turning and here’s the bottom line:  I have a boyfriend.  I’ve spent the better part of two and a half months relentlessly pursuing the perfect boy and in the end an old dog shows up and has learned all new tricks.  Well, not tricks.  We’re going to give it a go, a real try and we both, BOTH, think it’s going to work.  Marriage, sex and babies, oh my!  But he’s not Mr. Right yet…so the game isn’t actually over, it’s just a new game.

SAVE MY BLOG!  I have been having so much fun.  When I started my project I knew it could go in a million directions and it’s doing just that.  Hold on tight, here we go!

Monkey Wrench (who now needs a new name, any ideas anyone?) is back in the game.  We will just have to see if he goes from the ex boyfriend formerly known as Backbone, formerly known as Monkey Wrench, formerly known as (something witty), to Mr. Right.  So there’s that.

Then there’s my self-appointed roll as Sherlock Homes in the pursuit of decent Manhattan men.  And now, more than ever I need my girls to go on these outings with me.  This will allow me to 1.) keep my man-magnet skills up in case it turns out I haven’t found Mr. Right 2.) and more importantly, I can be the perfect wingman to all my single friends.  I’ll be in the center of the fun and on the sidelines taking notes all at the same time.

A blog that is about being in a relationship and about meeting men; well, I haven’t heard that one before.  And yet for a project where the goal is meeting Mr. Right I could just be the perfect definition.

Any of my friends want to offer up ideas for the next outing???  Jamie I know you do.  You love this stuff. 

Yes mom, you can call me now.  J

FINDING MEN AT THE GYM

iPod set to Bonnie Tyler's, Holding Out For A Hero (Come on, you know it's a good workout tune!)

The gym.  Hot, sweaty men getting raising their testosterone levels.  What better place to meet someone.  Don’t forget that’s where Jessica Seinfeld met Jerry. True story.

I’ve been going to a mid-priced gym on the Upper West Side for a couple months now.  In college the one place I got asked out the most was at the gym.  Go figure.  So I’m thinking that the whole “oh, my, could you help me with this heavy weight?” was a solid bet.  Not the case.

For some reason I have the magical ability of always, always getting on the one elliptical machine that makes an annoying noise every time the petals go round.  The first couple of times I didn’t really notice this squeaky, sharp screech.  I did notice my fellow worker-outers around me taking turns looking in my direction.  At first I was flattered.  Yes, the boy in the blue hat thought I was hot!  No, the boy in the hat wished I would get the heck off that darn machine.  It wasn’t until I stopped my iPod to change from one blasting workout song to another that I realized I was not up for the Buns of Steel award.  The screeching was so bad it startled me.  After looking to my left and right to see what idiot was staying on a machine that annoying my Sherlock powers of deduction keyed me in that I was the annoying person.  Naturally I faked finishing my workout and slide ever to quietly back to the locker room. 

Gym 1 / Me 0

FORGET HAPPY HOUR, TRY HANG GLIDING

iPod set to Frou Frou's, Let Go

 

On Sunday I, once again embarked on a day trip of death defying feats ,and once again I have to report that this is the way to go!  This time my friend AJ and I signed up for hang gliding.  This wasn’t just a tandem hang gliding ride; this was a day of instruction and solo flying.  Yep, someone was going to trust me with a hang glider.  Ok, they did have us sign about ten waivers and I’m sure somewhere in there I not only signed my life away, but my first born and any front row Yankee’s seats if I ever get any. 

 

It was one of those Urban Escapes day trips so as usual we all met at 8am on the corner of 96^th and Broadway.  The group was great.  It only took us about thirty seconds in the van and we were all chatting and swapping stories.  Everyone on the trip was the type of person I’d like spending time with anywhere.  They were nice, interesting, had positive attitudes and lots of humor.  River Boy went with us and although he’s fun to have around I don’t think we’ll be going out anytime soon.  There was a couple who just started dating, a couple who’d been together for a while, our two cute single guides, a single girl and a very tall, athletic and good looking single guy.  When I say he was tall I mean he was tall!  Hot.  (He) Heights lives in midtown and works in finance and at one point he said the perfect thing…he said that he really loved the country where he grew up and made a point of going back often, but that he just couldn’t give up the pulse of living in the city and all it has to offer.  I feel the same way.  One drawback to Heights that I think I could get over…he looks like my kid brother…a lot.  And I can't help but mention that our guides (Guide 1 & Guide 2) have day jobs during the week and then guide a trip a couple times a month.  I think all the guides are like this.  That's a well rounded kinda guy.  (Not to mention they all have that slightly rugged look...hot.)

 

Looking at the four single men on the trip as well as the group as a whole, I have to say that the quality was tops; a great little gang of adventurers. 

 

So…ladies, ladies, ladies.  LADIES!!!  Go on-line and find the craziest trip you’re willing to do and go.  I’m telling you it’s the best thing I’ve found so far.  You get to spend a day doing something fun and a day fully interviewing (ah, I mean getting to know) hopefully several guys without any of that dating pressure.

 

In case I haven't gotten through to you about how great these day trips are listen to this.   Despite being the super cool chick that I am, my performance on the hang glider was shall we say, under par.  Apparently you're supposed to let go just before landing.  Yes, let go!  I pretty much demolished a glider, but somehow didn’t break any limbs.  And after a long day of hang gliding I looked like hell;  make-up gone, stringy hair and energy at level negative nothing (not to mention I passed out in the van and was possibly snoring).  But somehow even though I resembled a meek, half drown rat, when we got back to NYC, Heights asked me out to dinner.  Now how’s that for proof!

 

 

Deep thoughts: You're supposed to let go just before landing and trust that everything you've done up to that point will be enough to lower you gently to safety.  I guess it's like saying that we can do everything in our power to find Mr. Right, but in the end we just have to let go.  Ok, no more Dr. Phil...what's next on the list?!